OneGreenChip

I am getting HOSED at work. Details unimportant. Cannot play any online poker lately. Jeezus. Blog still needs to be updated

So instead, enjoy a tale from Hell Week pledging at my Penn State fraternity.

The Nastiest Thing I Have Ever Done, pt 1.

It was during Hell Week when I was pledging. We are continually drinking, stoned, sleep deprived, subjected to isolation, loud music and strobe lights. The effect is downright hallucinatory. Constantly repeating chants and songs keeps your conscious mind occupied, and you're being forced through increasingly insane games to keep you continually exhausted.

Eventually, you get so screwed into a state of WTF that you would do anything: You might even eat poo.

!!!

I am ripped out of the 100+ dB closet, blindfolded, and dragged to the bathroom. My captors throw me on my knees in front of a toilet. I smell shit, sweat, and dirt all around. My 'big brother', whom I have observed being ridiculed/ostracized for doing a terrible job 'raising' me, is hurriedly whispering in my ear, while four of my disappointed nemeses scream in the other:

"REACH YOUR HAND IN THAT TOILET AND GRAB THAT TURD, MAGGOT!!" 'dude, you have to do it, we all had to do it, just take a bite and spit it out' "YOU'RE SHIT AND YOU'RE GOING TO EAT SHIT HAHAHA PERFECT ISN'T IT" 'i've got an apple right here, and a toothbrush, just take a bite and spit it out hurry up do it fast' "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!! DO YOU WANT TO EAT TWO?!" 'don't let them make you eat two, Ogre is holding one in right now, they'll do it, just take the bite'

...until, adrenaline-charged, hackles-raised, and half-crazy, I SLAM my hand into the toilet and root around until I feel the hideously soft dooker rattling around in the bottom. I grab it, take a DEEEEEEEP breath AND JAM THE SHIT INTO MY MOUTH. OMG I AM EATING SHIT. My head almost explodes.

Cheers of victory all around, as I retch and puke into the toilet. My mouth, numb from hours of eating raw onions and lemons, is covered in butt-chunder. I want to wipe it away, but I'm being dragged off again by my arms. Finally, the taste begins to seep into my cracked lips and tongue.

Peanut Butter and Bananas. You Fuckers.